And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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