shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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