Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
ttyl tear gas
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
