who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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