i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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