my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
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