She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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