Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
