i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Randomize
