just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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