hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
