matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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