Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
