I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
This toilet bowl is my home.
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