...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Randomize
