Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
