What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize