i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
