I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
