PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
