I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
