weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
