New invention idea: vibrating tampons
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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