I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
