ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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