Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
