i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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