I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
