watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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