Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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