My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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