I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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