so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
