Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
