worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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