Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
