Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
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