Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
