dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
