Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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