listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
