Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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