I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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