There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I yelled at your uterus for you.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
