Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
