Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
