can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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