who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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