My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
