I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
