I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
