I think I am morally bankrupt
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
