Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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