I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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