I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
