C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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