if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
We just shotgunned beers for America
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
