I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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