yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
