Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
