Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I just googled if crying burns calories
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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