u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
