Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Randomize