I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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