there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i want to fuck
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it's pretty self explanatory
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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