I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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