Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
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