I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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