He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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