dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
