I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
so much tequila, so little girl.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
