I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
