You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize