remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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