Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
whose ass print is on the piano?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
