You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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