Moan for me like Helen Keller
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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