She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
