Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
