do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
