her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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