paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I skipped work to stalk him.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
