I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
