yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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