I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
