He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I'm both gender and math confused
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
