I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
