i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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