I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
