I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
