I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
She's the barista slut.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
you had me at cake vodka
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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