I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize