The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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