let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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