Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
