just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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