D3 body, D1 cock
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
