Can Purell be used as lube?
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
