it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize