Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
