You did not just play the dead husband card again.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Randomize
