btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
