Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
