no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
