Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
