i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize