wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
