i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
you never un-have a 4some
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
