I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
