Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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